AN ERUDITE COUNTERPOINT TO MY '10 COMMANDMENTS' POST!

[This is a comment from David at the LifeTrek blog re my 10 Commandments post that needed to be more visible than it is in the Comments section, followed by my response:]

By no means am I deeply religious, but I did do some online research.

Typically much of Galatians (try 3 and 5 for starters) explains some of what you're asking.

It appears to be a common misinterpretation when questioning the bible piecemeal, but that is answered throughout the New Testament.

Here are some summaries online of the bible in whole:
The coming of Christ made parts of the Mosaic law unnecessary.

In order to understand this, we must realize that the Law is made up of three parts: ceremonial, civil, and moral.

The ceremonial law related specifically to Israel's worship. Since its primary purpose was to point to the coming Savior, Jesus made it unnecessary. He did not abolish it, in the sense of destroying it; he fulfilled it. Nowhere do we read that Jesus thought that the ceremonial law was wrong. The principles behind the ceremonial law are still applicable to us today -- that is, the principles of worshiping and serving a holy God.

The civil law prescribed rules for the Israelites' daily living. These laws separated the Jews from the Gentiles, and gave the Gentiles the example of how a holy people should live. Since much was given to the Jews, much was expected. But God gave a new covenant in Christ, and there is now no distinction to be made between Jew and Gentile. We are still to follow the requirements of this law as God's people, but the punishments are not for any nation to impose on its people, because we are no longer separated by nations but by God's grace (Christians and non-Christians).

The moral law is basically the Ten Commandments. We are still bound by these laws, not for salvation, but to live a holy life. Jesus not only desired that His followers adhere to these commandments, He wished that they would go above and beyond them. He said, "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: but I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment..." He desired not only an outward observance of these laws, but an inward observance as well.
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"If you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law" ... "therefore no one is to act as your judge in regard to food or drink or in respect to a festival or a new moon or a sabbath day -- things that are a mere shadow of what is to come," and "For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under Law but under grace."

Keep in mind who Paul's talking to: young churches, mostly of Jewish backgrounds. When he speaks of "the Law", he's referring to Mosaic Law. When he speaks of "the law," he refers to state law. (I say this so nobody thinks I'm claiming Paul says to disobey all laws.) Jesus clearly states in the the Gospel of Matthew that He came not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it. He didn't destroy the Law of Moses, he completed it. He fulfilled the prophesies of the coming messiah, He became the very essence of the suffering servant.
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The Ritual Decalogue is the list of commandments in Exodus 34:10-26. They are generally viewed as having minor significance compared to the Ethical Decalogue. Although the Ritual Decalogue appears in the text at the point where the Ten Commandments are inscribed into the second set of stone tablets, and it is them, rather than the Ethical Decalogue, which are there identified as the Ten Commandments (Exodus 34:28), it is the Ethical Decalogue which is commonly believed to have been inscribed on both sets of tablets.
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I also read in one of my searches that the reason for the differing translations for commandments, but I can't remember where I found that and am lucky to have kept these straight through the fibro fog.

So, maybe we aren't all going to hell. Hope that helps.
David


My response:
Re your comment on the "10 Commandments" post. Put simply: you got me!

Ha!

From a strictly Christian standpoint, you've got me dead to rights. The only thing I would point out is that it is Christian tradition that makes the ethical commandments those written on Moses' tablets. I maintain that the commandments I list in the post are, in fact -- based on reading the Bible alone -- the ones that actually went on the tablets.

However, your comment goes on to make the above point... pointless.

Since I am a former Catholic, you reminded me of what I already knew: That Jesus fulfilled certain parts of scripture, and went so far as to remind the people that certain laws were to prepare them for the coming of the Messiah, and that those specific laws no longer needed to be followed in his presence which, it can be argued, Christians remain.

I'm also very happy that your comment is so erudite and learned, when usually the kind of bile I spit in that post (I admit it: I wrote it in haste and with with a certain gleeful meanness) only causes more bile to come forth from readers. Which would be my fault, of course.

But you took a much higher road, and I say well done.

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MY SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY EXAM!

Well, who the fuck knows how that went. ...I just know I don't.

The psych who administered the exam seemed sympathetic, but the cognitive memory disorder test was too easy. Every psych (two prev.) but this one asked me to remember three or five very specific things, and let me know I would have to recall them after five minutes of conversation (which I cannot do). Didn't happen this time.

I was asked who the current president is (and had to taste his name in my mouth as I said it... I need to rinse with Drano) and who the previous president was, then asked to count backward from one hundred, subtracting seven on the way. I've always failed the shit out of that one. The psych let me flounder for about five minutes before turning off the embarrassment.

And then I was asked to interpret three metaphors! I have a BA in English! I was a professional copy editor! NO FUCKING FAIR!

"What is the phrase 'The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence' meant to convey?"

Who the fuck doesn't know that?!

If we're testing to see whether I have opposable thumbs just have me hold up the fucking digits!

Maybe testing the mental acuity of someone who has spent his entire life studying all the goddam nuances of the English language is not best-done by asking him to interpret common goddam metaphors!

Gr.

...Me telling the story of getting fibro, showing him my current meds, and answering the five memory questions. That was the visit.

(It's important to note that I have nothing against the psych, but know it's the Social Security Administration that sets the questions.)

Too much of me thinks I'm fucked...

Also, the Ritalin seems only to work for about three to four hours. I'm fucking tired.

Gr.

FUCK!

Mixx it!

WEDNESDAY I GET EXAMINED BY A SOCIAL SECURITY DOCTOR!

It seems the long wait may finally be nearing an end... And what I call my early retirement near its beginning.

I am to be examined by a doctor who will then report my status to the Social Security Disability Administration. I'm sure to be diagnosed with cognitive memory disorder, which fibromyalgians lovingly call fibro fog, because I've been diagnosed with it twice. Said disorder is the reason someone I know was awarded disability, so I feel pretty good about my newfound idiocy being just cause for "awarding" me benefits.

(This is a snip of a conversation I had with the first psychologist who diagnosed me with cognitive memory disorder:

"So basically I'm a moron now."

"That depends on what your IQ was before you got fibro."

At the time -- and this one -- I'm still intelligent enough to find the above hilarious.)

Also, there's the fact that no one will hire someone who has to eat OxyCodone and Klonopin like candy and that, for months at a time -- times like now -- I have to sleep for sixteen hours of every day.

I would be a total liability to anyone who would hire me... Whacked on Oxy and Klonopin (most people think of these two as incredibly debilitating in and of themselves... However, they allow me to function. Still, no one would put me at the helm of a steamroller... I'd be a lawsuit waiting to happen), unable to remember what happened or what I was told to do any given five minutes ago...

I'm unemployable.

I feel reasonably certain that will be the finding of the doctor I see Wednesday.

...It's an odd thing, to hope that this will be his conclusion.

But there is no other to draw.

Mixx it!

I'M STILL ON SICK LEAVE!

Tired from the moment I wake up until I finally sleep... Getting 11 hours of sleep a day... Head imploding and ex- at once... Everything aches though I barely can move...

With any luck I'll be done feeling this way by the time it's time to feel this way again, when summer shows its ugly face...

Sorry for not posting. I can't think.

Mixx it!

DR. 9'S FIBROMYALGIA 'TREATMENTS' AND THEIR COSTS!:

I received an itemized bill today that gives a near-complete breakdown of the treatments I received from Dr 9 and their costs. Please note that there was absolutely no long-term improvement in my pain during this time. (The only relief was from Demerol and an IV of Toradol. Each lasted only a few hours.)

Also please note the insane expense I had to go to with Dr 9. Please compare it with the expense of seeing Dr ML&S, who has enormously enhanced my quality of life and greatly reduced my pain:

MONTHLY:
Visit: $25 copay
OxyContin: $10 copay

SHAMELESS BEGGING: You hitting the DONATE button on your right would be pretty freaking sweet right about now!

KEY:
Trigger-point injections: Marcaine (a cousin of lidocaine) was injected into various trigger points in my shoulders and back to try to ease my pain. They didn't. At all. Most doctors seem to believe that if one's trigger points are "taken care of," fibro pain will go away. Bullshit, stupid, false info that needs to be erased.
Depo-medrol: Steroid. Ineffective.
Demerol: Heaven when given IM. Narcotic analgesic.
Phenergan: Probably used in my treatment as a sedative/pain reliever. Completely ineffective.
Toradol: NSAID: Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory: Stupid. Fibro does not involve inflammation. But IV Toradol was somewhat effective at easing my pain. IM it was useless (I received it only once IV, and so when is not noted below. Apologies.)
Tigan: Given to combat the constant nausea from my daily migraines. Somewhat effective. Given on every visit but the first few, though not noted on the bill.
Nubain: Some kind of bullshit-wannabe-narcotic. Given for pain. Not effective... Or was it? I'm having a fibro fog day... Locked keys in a running car... Please see the post on or after the day I was given Nubain to read what I really thought about it.
Benadryl: Explained here only to be thorough: Antihistamine. Why would a fibromyalgian be given this shit IV? Hell if I know...
IM: Intramuscular: This is shorthand to note that the drug was injected into my ass muscles.
IV: Intravenous: You know this and I know you know -- explaining to be thorough: shorthand for noting the drug or "treatment" was injected into a vein.

1/9/08:
Office/outpatient visit: $225
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20
Depo-medrol IM, 80mg: $30

1/16/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20
Depo-medrol IM, 80mg: $30

1/21/08
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20
Demerol IM, 100mg: $5
Phenergan IM, 50mg: $7
Toradol IM, 15mg: $48

1/22/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20
Drain/inject small joint or bursa: $125
Depo-medrol IM, 40mg: $22
Toradol IM, 15mg: $48

1/23/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20
Depo-medrol IM, 20mg: $8

1/24/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20

1/28/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20

1/29/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Multiple trigger-point injections: $220
Injection administration: $20
Toradol IM, 15mg: $48
Nubain IM, 10mg: $10
Tigan, swallowed, 200mg: $16

1/30/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20
Depo-medrol IM, 80mg: $30

1/31/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20
Depo-medrol IM, 80mg: $30

2/4/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20
Toradol IM, 15mg: $48

2/5/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20

2/6/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20
Phenergan IM, 50mg: $7
Toradol IM, 15mg: $48
Demerol IM, 100mg: priceless. Lame joke and I apologize: $5

2/11/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Benadryl HCL IV, 50mg: $5
IV hydration (because I was in so much pain I could no longer eat or drink -- even water -- IBS, nausea, on and on... The nurse blew out one of my veins that day, and it hurts to this one, nearly two months later): $105
IV push (of Benadryl. ...That's right, I was charged the following amount for someone pushing a syringe's plunger): $25

2/13/08
Office/outpatient visit: $70 (for some reason... Or none at all.)
Multiple trigger-point injections: $100
Injection administration: $20
Toradol IM, 15mg: $48

2/14/08
Office/outpatient visit: $105
Toradol IM, 15mg: $12
IV infusion for therapy (likely hydration): $105
IV push (gimme the syringe so I can press down with my thumb, dammit!): $25
IV all other solutions (who knows what the hell went in my vein that day): $5

Mixx it!

SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY, MY LAWYERS, MY GOD!

Yesterday I called my disability examiner, and ended up talking to someone who was taking her calls for her. I was informed that my oh-so-helpful lawyers had not sent my examiner quite a bit of the paperwork she needs to make a determination re my case.

Every goddam time I call my lawyers I have to remind them that I have not lived in Washington, DC since the end of last September, and that I now live in Lummox, Jesusland.

So I told my caseworker's assistant, or whoever the hell I talked to, that my examiner needs form 1696 -- whatever that is -- and that she had not received the form listing the six-or-seven doctors I have seen since coming to Lummox.

Whoever I talked to at my lawyer's office informed me that they had not received the form listing my doctors and their contact numbers. I said this was impossible, since it was sent weeks prior to my call. I was then informed that "maybe it just hasn't been entered into the system yet since our computers were down for a few days."

Words like beautiful music...

But the assistant or whoever was kind enough to simply get my examiner's number and let me know she would call her immediately.

So maybe something is getting done.

But maybe not.

...The shite thing being that I never know what my caseworker has or has not done until and unless I call her.

If I didn't have fibro fog and could keep a thought in my head for more than a few minutes (I have to re-read what I've just written to be able to stay on-topic simply when I write these posts for crissake) I would fire my lawyer(s) and do the rest myself.

But I can't. And that's kinda the point... Part of the reason I'm seeking disability: cognitive memory disorder keeps me from being able to do just about anything for myself. The agony of fibro keeps me from doing the rest.

...Not that I'm all-too-down regarding my situation. The above is just a statement of facts. And I'm coming to grips with fibro and the limitations it puts on me so, though the above para. seems depressing, the matter I deal with ceases to get me down.

Ignorance is bliss.

...But the fucking pain is another thing...

Mixx it!

MY PREJUDICE AGAINST CHRISTIANS IS DESPICABLE!

"Anyway, I'll write about what happens tomorrow at my shrink's. He's in a place that advertises itself as providing 'Christian Mental Health Services.' ...So hopefully I'm not taken off all drugs and told to simply pray away my anxiety (and fibro, for that matter, which could just be god's way of telling me I'm pissing him off with the atheism thing...)."

I wrote that yesterday. I apologize for being offensive -- though it was, of course, a gross exaggeration for humor's sake.

But was it funny?

I don't think of it as very funny today, after seeing Dr. Sweet at the place that offers "Christian Mental Health Services."

But Dr. Sweet did act differently from many psychiatrists I have been to: in that he listened, was empathetic, and really knew his stuff.

He took a history, trusted me, and put me back on 6mg of Klonopin. Ideal!

He also gave me a neurological test that, once again, proved that I have cognitive memory disorder. Or is it cognitive deficit disorder? ...Point made: I'm dumb now. I have what we fibromyalgians refer to as fibro fog.

My anxiety is down today thanks to Dr. Sweet. I spent only about 40 minutes with him, but he improved my life immensely in that time.

In the future he only wants to do med checks, which is the exact appropriate thing, but means I will see him in four months, if I still am in Lummox at that time. If I am not, I can only hope to find his doppelganger in Portland.

I apologize for my idiocy. And we know I'm not talking about the fibro fog on this score.

Mixx it!

MY E-MAIL TO A FRIEND I APPEAR TO WANT TO LOSE (BUT DO NOT)!

[This response is to an e-mail from someone who got back from a vacation and e-mailed me to let me know that and a bit more. The "bit more" is explained below.]

I just got back from a walk, a shrink's appt. before that, and now I need a nap after a quick post to my blog, which I may just put off... Hulk tired.

Glad you're alive. Hope you had fun in Some Place You Visited.

Call the goddam cops on your ex and his whole fucking family already.

[This girl -- let's call her X -- is being kinda-stalked by her ex-boyfriend (receiving phone calls and text messages long after the relationship has been over, having told him she doesn't want to hear from him again, but getting the messages, etc. nonetheless... Still, she responds to the communications, even if only to say "stop it.") Wacko's sister is even in on the act, having invited X out to dinner a month ago just to ask her all the questions her nutty brother wanted answers to -- "seeing anyone," etc.

OK, let me amend "psudo-stalked" to Scary-Stalked Family-Style.]

...My guess is you don't because on some level you like the attention -- and especially the fact that you can drive someone absolutely batshit insane. (Though he was going to be that anyway, without you, sweetie pie -- sorry to write that it's not you... You were just there when he had his psychotic break...)

...So keep the game going, by all means.

...Apologies if the above seems crude, but I am an ass, after all, tired, in pain, excuses excuses.

...I'm going to be out tomorrow. Hanging out with Y, actually. ["Actually" because X knows Y.] She's the only person in Lummox I know besides Z... Good thing her musical taste is impeccable.

Later on I'll explain the magic of fibro fog to you, aka cognitive memory disorder. Basically, it's akin to having ADD... I can't recall what was said five minutes ago unless the context is explicitly re-discussed or I think about it for a while... And I mean think about it for about five minutes... The big test psychologists and shrinks give me, which I fail miserably, is that I cannot remember a list of things read to me -- one test was five things, the other only three shapes of different colors -- after having a conversation for five minutes.

Kick ass!

It's all new and wonderful... a sort of metamorphosis I have no problem dealing with... Or at least accept, as what cannot be escaped must be.

...And soon, disability and Portland. Dropping out of the workaday world for the rest of my life. This last has been a goal of mine for years, since I became enamored of socialism...

But is fibro too high a price to pay?

Before I was put on OxyContin, my answer would have been a definitive FUCK YES.

Now the jury is hung; dead... But probably was one hold-out away from returning a verdict of FUCK YES before being strung up.

Cheers

--CB

PS: I thought I would take this opportunity to update you on my situation, though I'm sure you couldn't care less since all we talk about is you you you... I'm sorry that I'm too drained already, today, to be further wearied by tackling your problems.

...Please know the above is not meant to be mean, not anything against you, but only the statement of a fact both of us know.

PPS: I probably will post this to my blog, leaving out any details that could identify anyone discussed here because I'm fucking lazy and think posting my correspondence provides a good window into my heart of darkness...

Mixx it!

I'M MADE OF GLASS THAT HAS BEEN SHATTERED AND GLUED TOGETHER COUNTLESS TIMES!

Tomorrow I see a pain specialist. I saw one for about two years when I lived in Washington, D.C. I recently moved home because I couldn't hack it at my job because I couldn't think clearly and quickly -- FibroFog! -- and was given the option of quitting or being fired. I chose to retire. I packed up my things and went to my apartment. I barely left for more than three months, while I spent my savings, investment and retirement account money (it didn't take much time because I'm 29, not because I went on an early-retirement spending spree. Though I may have if I had known a heroin dealer). Finally, I had to admit that it takes the Social Security Administration a little while longer than that to award disability benefits (which I filed for, through a law firm I saw on a commercial during daytime television during my first week of retirement).

[OK, great start! We'll leave it here until next time. When that is will depend on how I feel (superterrific most of the time!) , especially after seeing the pain specialist tomorrow who, I hear, is a piece of shit. Why is he that bit of nastiness? Because he refuses to prescribe opioid analgesics to any of his patients. It's a good thing I don't feel as described in the heading every day! Nor that I've tried every SSRI, Lyrica and what have you, and that narcotics are my only chance to feel at all OK!

Stay tuned for: DOCTOR DOOM! (copyright Please Don't Hunt Down A Person With The Lawsuits Big Company!)

Today's pain: 5 out of 10

--Every post will end with me giving my pain on a scale of 1 to 10. This is my scale, though. For you, wuss, my one would be your Gimme A Gun Hell Would Be Better. Wuss.

Mixx it!