I'M SO TIRED!

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Wow do I not feel like writing this today. Hopefully that should make this short and bittersweet chocolate.

It's too bad I suggested in my last post that I would would offer my musings on the difference between going in for marcaine injections at a clinic and being prescribed Percocet. I think I wrote that the former (I'm unable to look up the post. Basement office, no Internet access) allows the doctor to have complete control on how one's health is managed, while giving a patient a bottle of pills gives him/her the freedom to take more or less depending on their daily allotment of pain.

This situation makes me angry.

So I guess that sums it all up nicely. I really didn't need an entirely new post to write that...

Then again, I can't leave it at that: Percocet is a narcotic painkiller. Pain. Killer. And the way doctors act, apparently they are not in the business of getting rid of pain. And actual pain management doctors behave this way (see a previous post for a hilarious anecdote!).

Doctors act like pain is a good thing for fibro patients to have -- and maybe it is diagnostically, but I've already fucking been diagnosed with an incurable lifelong disease! I have fibro and I'm going to be in some degree of misery the rest of my goddam life. I'm 29 and walk with a fucking cane. And I just cannot motherfucking fathom how it is to anyone's benefit that I not get any relief that doesn't come through a fucking needle, held securely in a doctor's hand.

My favorite reason that doctors have given me for not prescribing narcotic pain relievers is: "But it will just mask your pain." Yes. That is exactly, 100 percent, absolutely the point. And you, doc, are so stupid your wife must tie your shoes.

And isn't masking their (your?) pain what non-fibromyalgians are allowed to do with OTC meds? Christ, I'm sorry I can't simply take a Tylenol and be fine; my Tylenol needs oxycodone to come along for the ride. All non-fibros can mask their pain as easy as it is to hate Hitler, but fibromyalgians are talked to as if our pain is worth keeping around, for some reason... Simply because it's always there. I have gathered that we are supposed to get used to it.

Unfortunately, to date no one with fibro aka fibrositis has gotten the fuck used to it.

And doesn't the fact that it's forever make masking it that much more important? Or does the suicide rate among fibros really need to climb higher?

(Aside: Yesterday I read that a study showed fibromyalgians have an increased chance of getting cancer than non-fibros. The kicks in the nuts just keep on a-coming...)

So, apparently masking fibromyalgians' pain has no worth... It's better to work on dealing with the trigger points themselves (with marcaine injections) at a snail's pace. My doctor was proud of saying that in three months the injections should reduce my headache pain 50 percent. At the time it elated me. And I'm still happy and grateful that this (please please) will happen.

But there's a tails to every penny: In three months I may be a 5/10 on the pain scale. In three agonizing, excruciating months my headache may be only half what it is now, which will mean itstill will be classified as debilitating.

And at the rate of 50 percent, three months, only my goddam headache pain, I should be pain free when I'm Methusula.

[Pain, head: 3/10. Pain, everything else: 9/10.

Anxiety: 9/10.

Writing while angry: Try it on a card to your girlfriend!]

Mixx it!