I KNOW IT'S GONNA HAPPEN SOME DAY!

I begin my New Year with a mammoth migraine, which three Percocet 10/325s didn't touch. (The "10/325" refers to the pills consisting of 10mg oxycodone, which is what god eats for breakfast, and 325mg APAP, aka Tylenol, aka just about the best way to ruin your liver.)
But enough of that, for now... There will definitely be more complaining later. At the moment, here are some resolutions (you'll notice all are contingent on Number One...):

1, sorta.: To get on Social Security Disability finally finally finally (my first decision is due before May. ...That is, the first go-round in which People of Authority say whether I'm fucked up enough to qualify for SSD. I think about 1/3 of people are successful here. What I'll call the second pass is an administrative hearing.

You stand in front of a judge, who has seen all the evidence and made up her/his mind (read it in chambers, which is why s/he was an hour late opening the courtroom door and getting things started, even though you saw a person with a face just like her/his drinking deeply from a flask in their car in the parking lot... But it was the public lot, so it couldn't have been her/him... Or could it? People who are drinking at 7:00 usually are keeping things going from the night before, and certainly not rational). I'll be wearing a suit and sporting a cane, grunting with every move and, when I have to stand before her/hizzoner -- if I have the grapes -- I'll tell the maybe-lush that "It's a bad day, and if your honor doesn't mind, I believe I should sit for this."

In other words, I'll be standing. But, to prove I'm not a complete wuss (and if my case even goes to The Hearing...), I'll lean on my cane until it breaks. Or at least bends...

AND SO YOU MUST STAY TUNED BLOGFRIENDS!

OK, finally 2. To pay my parents back for room and board with the back-pay from the above. SSD pays you for some of the time you had to have a suck-ass life waiting for your benefits to come through.

Still, comparatively, my waiting period is likely better than many people's. My parents have a big house, a Wii, and the basement I call home is about 1,000 square feet. Plus I can TiVo Twin Peaks episodes... Though my daily watching of it is making me believe everyone in my town is a killer, and that strange forces exist in our woods...).

3. To move to Portland, Oregon with the rest of the weirdos.

4. To get and grow medicinal marijuana. (Legally, after number three -- so Michigan cops put away your batons!) All the Web forums and more and more medical literature is showing that it's one of the best things for pain. I read one where it topped everything but Kadian. And that's extended-release morphine, kids.

5. To buy a scooter! I imagine a great number of people in this country will say or think that doing so is "gay." However, the act of purchasing something cannot have a sexual orientation. And if you think you're insulting something by calling it "gay," don't make it a transaction... A swap of money for goods. Where's the fun in it?

Anyway, I'd like to think that going 60 mph on a seat cushion would earn someone a modicum of respect.

...My insecurities aside, if I have a scooter, I'll already be in Portland where, I hear, the scooter scene thrives. So riding a scooter won't be "gay," it will be, um... "Not-gay"? Whatever. Screw homophobes and screw using "gay" as slander.

6. Enjoy my retirement by writing books about writing books and losing weight on the food stamp diet.

7. Buy a big-ass teevee and a Wii! ...Because I'll have a lot of spare money for expensive items on SSD. Why do you think people refer to it as being awarded benefits?

OK, that's seven, and seven is enough for this morning, as I wait for my Klonopin and Percocet to take affect. But, since I could only take about 1/4 my normal dose of each because I'm being forced off them (see other ranting posts) I'll probably still get 3/4 the pain, migraine, spasms, etc.

Consarn it.

[Overall disposition: bubbly as champagne!]

Mixx it!