21 January, 2008


Well, I've reached the point where I feel compelled to post regularly. Which is too bad because earlier today I was given a 100 mgIM injection of Demerol, and so I am sluggish and apathetic.

But a 3/10 on the pain scale!

My pain was intolerable over the weekend. To get to sleep Saturday I had to hit myself on my thigh with my cane as hard as I could a few times. I experienced a rush of endorphins, and the pain in my head was outdone long enough for me to get to sleep.

Then I suffered through Sunday, basically counting down the minutes until today, staring at every clock in the house, my head swelled as big as the Hindenburg. I made it... After having to knock myself out at two o'clock in the morning with 400 mg Trazodone, 10 mg Sonata, 8mg Remeron. I was awakened at seven thirty, with my head about to ignite and the rest of me as stiff as a two-by-four. I walked by swinging my legs in arcs, unable to bend my knees.

But I am lucky in many ways. The primary one being that my mother works at the clinic I go to. She was able to get me an appointment with my doctor, who I saw at about nine thirty.

I was given trigger-point injections in my shoulders, which is routine. Normally they relieve my headache substantially -- if only for one to two days. This time they only relaxed my shoulders.

I was then injected with Tegretol (I believe it was) in my left hip, which was supposed to reduce my pain. Still nothing.

Then I was given a quick-dissolve tab of Maxalt, which I gathered is a migraine-killer. It made mine worse.

Finally, about one-and-a-half hours after I was brought into the office, I was asked if I drove myself to the clinic -- no -- and if I was allergic to any medication, including Demerol. Definitely not.

And so I was injected with 100 mg of Demerol, intramuscular into my right hip. My Dad drove me home, I played Mario on our Wii for an hour, then fell asleep while watching Inland Empire (David Lynch). I awoke just in time for dinner, then felt compelled to post this.

And I realize this is as dry and flavorless as a plastic-spoonful of desert air on a windless day. But I felt I should use this space to pledge my undying love to whoever discovered/first synthesized Demerol. I can stand being alive today.

And it's unfortunate that that's the best that can be done for me at this point... But I suppose I must have patience.

Actually, I should have written that it would be to my benefit if I could have patience. I seem to be hard-wired in such a way that does not allow me to suffer waiting. For anything. Especially relief from pain that makes me wish I could die from it.

And so ug. I'll end this post here. Give it a nice, big shot of Demerol to put it to sleep...

Stay tuned for something worth reading!

[Pain and anxiety: 3/10. Demerol is magic.]

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