06 January, 2008



All ow ow ow ow ow goddam it, ow!s today in every category (including sleaziness, if you've been playing along at home). And all I can, or will, do -- and feel awful for... But hey, why should I feel bad for desiring a little Old Testament-style justice! --

I should just start that over... I realize my parenthetical and other tangents make it hard to follow along. Joseph Heller was the master of these... I need to read more of his books.

OK, so I am an awful enough person (but hey, the Judeo-Christian god likely would sanction it, so 75 percent of you pretty much have to believe in its fairness... Fuck, another parenthetical... I'm trying to set up this awful thing I want in a way that makes it hard for people to challenge and easy for people to understand it... Unfortunately, I just brought up the Bible and pissed off about 75 percent of you... Oh well, today's churchgoing people tend to substitute church for the Bible... And to paste over, horribly, the fact that God's an asshole. Look it up. And I'm an asshole too, made in his image)--

OK, so I wish my doctor's and shrink's children get fibro that is as bad as mine. I think only then will they understand that sometimes you follow the goddam motherfucking protocol and give someone who doesn't respond to ANY other therapies fucking opioids! My head is going to explode and my body feels like the tin man's.

If only I didn't have a brain...

Last night I dreamed of getting electroshock therapy... My insane asshole doctors would prefer this to putting me on opioids, I'm sure... Give the man anything but one of the pillars of modern medicine!

Then again, chances are 80 percent, I think (I just don't feel up to looking it up. Seriously. ...But I feel up to typing this... The world is a many-splendored thing), that a person will get cancer. If anyone in my doc or shrink's family (or -- please please!) themselves has to get surgery for it, let them be offered strong drink and maybe ether.

Let's hope no one needs an organ removed!

Shit. The things pain turns you into. I don't wish the above... Except maybe for the first couple hours after I wake up. The images get me out of bed...

And how sick is that?

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