04 February, 2008



Coming out of the doctor's office feeling worse than you did when you came in is something fibromyalgians do maybe even half the time. How sick is that?

Happened to me today. Walked in with a headache that rated a 7/10. Was given anti-emetic and Maxalt plus trigger-point injections. My leg (left) had been going numb on me again. Feeling returned. Much rejoicing.

Then full-on migraine struck. half-hour later, more Maxalt. Toradol injected IM (or it could have been cat piss for all the good it did or ever does). Nothing more given. No relief. Other means sought...

Doctor now suspicious of me because I told him that, because I haven't slept more than five hours in one night since I've been off Percocet, I took a Vicodin last Thursday night to see if it would help me sleep longer. Then I took two Friday night to see if that would work. (No.) I wake up so early because I can't stand the agony of being on my back and sides any longer than a few hours and have to get onto my feet.

The only parts of my body that aren't constant pain-producers are the bottoms of my feet, my palms, my balls, and my dick. Let's hope the feet-bottoms stay painless, because I'm not learning how to balance on my hands, let alone my dick -- how could I maintain an erection that way anyway? -- nor am I about to hang myself from some ceiling by my scrotum. If I got off on that having fibro wouldn't be a problem...

But Dr 9 seemed fraught with concern. Wrinkled brow and everything. Fraught. (Who uses that word?) I put him in this state when I told him the above, plus the fact that, when the Maxalt I was given stopped working Saturday afternoon, I started popping Vicodin every hour nonstop.

And why not? Was I not in pain? Was it not lessening that pain? And if it had completely masked that pain, wouldn't I have stopped taking it? (Yes. But Vicodin isn't Percocet, and Percocet isn't IM Demerol, and even IM Demerol isn't up to the task.)

This worried my doctor. Obviously, he's dealing with a patient who will take a lot of Vicodin. And based on my history, it's because I'm in a lot of pain.

Therefore, there's nothing to do but stop prescribing me Vicodin on the weekends, get me in to physical therapy, and pump me full of IV magnesium tomorrow.

Jesus Fucking Christ I was born in an insane asylum.

If anyone sees a big guy who never has spoken, as far as you know, point him my way, please.

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